Dear Solo, (a letter to my thirteen-year-old son)
Dear Solo,
My love, in all the motion and the sets of goodbyes and all of it, you turned thirteen! For four days, we had four teens living under one roof. Peak teenager, as Leafy called it. Perhaps you are peak teenager with all your joy and wildness. We have named you well. Your name means Son of Peace and your middle name means Joy Has Entered the House.
You are a boy of joy and peace, I see them both flowing through you. And I see joy and peace’s companions, sorrow and wrestling, those too. I see you wrestle and I see you find peace again. These are worthy things to pursue, and so much richness exists in the search.
I see your heart shining very, very bright. You are well known in our family for your love for beauty and music, your quickness in bringing laughter to all of us.
To be a teen in a pandemic is not an easy thing. I see how your world has become narrower and smaller, and I see how you are answering the challenge by making it bigger within. More art! More music! More life and quirk and more barking and howling (literally) at the moon. Late nights lying and looking at the stars.
You point beautiful things out to me all the time.
You have a sea of quiet beneath your surface, a place where you are always thinking and contemplating.
You radiate freedom.
Our hearts are yours, son, mine and your father’s. We love you so, so much. You have always had us, from the first day you arrived, in the jungle in Goa.
Happy thirteenth birthday,
it has all gone so quickly and I pray that this year is luminous for you.
**
you came in with a gust of rain
a storm in the garden
a new country that was fuller and better
than expected
you were wilder and more radiant than expected
a little creature in my arms
or your father’s hands
we walked you down the beach, back and forth
in the coconut grove
under the stars
miriam and johanna loved you so
maria and jaya and tripta
becca and matty
renee and cate
rosario and cypriano
all these aunties and uncles,
do you know how loved? how many dances?
with you with you
you our wonder
you were brand new in the
rain in the indian heat
running into life
laughing and crying and you
are everywhere all at once, you are
ours and the worlds and you have never been
anything we could pin down
you grew up in the sea
with the beach dogs
you slipped your hands into the hands
of strangers you ran down nepali streets
we searched for you and found you in shops
hiding in boats or
under the covers
you charmed us all
you have danced on mountains and on the sand
in restaurants, on streets, on trains
now your pencil dances
under stars
beside the rice paddies
you and your pencil and your trumpet
tall and noble
you are our own
our own forever and you bring light
and color everywhere everywhere
you go
Love,
Mama
***
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