Dear person who stole our new set of Dewalt tools,

I'm assuming that, since you knew to come into our garage and steal our brand new set of tools, you weren't some random person walking down the highway. If this is so, you must be someone who knows us, perhaps someone who has lived here. And if this is the case, you probably know about the state of our finances. As in, we don't exactly have a whole lot of money. Almost none, depending on what you're measuring against. Which isn't that big of a deal to us--we really are just trying to get by and help some people. But sometimes we need something and we buy it, and we feel really good about having what we need, to do the work that we need to do. But then we go into the garage and find that it's all gone. And that really sucks. Because it's no fun to buy anything that we've already bought.

So, all I can say is that you've probably surpassed a level of lameness that even you can feel, since you stole from a bunch of Christians in the woods who don't have much to steal. I feel really really sorry for you. And sad that whatever depths you've come to have allowed you to take things that don't belong to you from real live people.

I used to steal too. It made me feel really sick inside for a really long time. It was never worth it.

I have to add that you're timing was incredible. My hubster spent a whole day in a waterfall trying to fix our water problem which is still not fixed, after not being able to drive up the highway because it is closed indefinitely, and then found that the tools were gone. He was bummed, to say the least. And he pretty much never gets bummed. Why don't you just come and cut our power lines, too?

No, seriously, I'm glad that this is not the sum of our lives, the things we own, the things that thieves can steal and the things that can rust. Hopefully you'll come to understand this too. Hopefully you'll bring the flippin' tools back. I'm really happy that we can all laugh about this and say, man, I've heard about post-Christmas blues, but what about post-Christmas disaster? Times three.